


You Look Happy to Meet Me

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Feels Like Heaven [50]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-08-15 00:12:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8034457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: Olivia Benson was a complicated woman.  He wasn’t a simple man.  But she was also fractured in some places.





	You Look Happy to Meet Me

**Author's Note:**

> The writers can take complicated and shove it up their bums for real. One part of Liv’s life needs to be stable and happy and, yes, even a bit boring. And that should be her life with Ed. He is her port in the storm and always will be for me…no matter how complicated they may decide to make it. Of course they could just be talking out of their asses, all pre-premiere interviews with TV people should be taken with a grain of salt. Here is mine.

“I'm so sorry I'm late.” Ed rushed into the restaurant. He leaned to kiss Liv’s cheek before sitting across from her in the booth. “I hate being late and I shouldn’t have been but I broke one of the cardinal rules and it came back to bite me.”

“Which rule was that?” Liv asked.

“Never answer the phone as you're walking out the door.”

“Ahh yes, a good rule that’s often broken.”

“I know. There's a suspected jumper on the Brooklyn Bridge so we dispatched a team over there immediately. I'm not on duty tonight so I didn’t have to go but I had to make sure that all the right people were coordinated and we had who we needed to go over and get the job done. Then I was rushing out the door and into Wednesday night traffic.”

“Wednesday night traffic is just as bad as every other night of the week.” Liv said.

“Tell me about it. But Wednesday night traffic in the rain is a special circle of hell. Sometimes I have dreams that I'm driving in Indiana again, just long winding roads, no honking horns or people cursing at you in 6 different languages.”

“You’ve only been cursed at in 6.” She waved her hand. “Get back to me when it reaches 10. I ordered you a beer.”

“Thank you baby.” Ed took a healthy sip of the Sam Adams in front of him. “Do you know what you're in the mood for?”

Liv had no idea what she was going to eat. The truth was that she didn’t have much of an appetite but she didn’t want to say. And just because she didn’t feel like eating doesn’t mean she shouldn’t. Though September was in full swing and they were getting closer to fall than they were to summer, it was still hotter than hell outside most days. It was one of the hottest summers she could remember and it had messed with her in so many ways. 

She often fought nausea, dizziness, and a whole host of other ailments caused by the heat and humidity. Being a full time cop and mom, slowing down wasn’t really an option. But any time she had the opportunity, Liv was lying under an air conditioner in as few clothes as possible. Whatever she ate tonight the plan was to keep it simple and light.

“No.” she was looking over the menu.

“I think I’ll have the spicy shrimp marinara.” Ed took one more sip of beer and then stood. “If the server comes, can you order for me, baby? I just want to use the men’s room.”

“Alright.”

Olivia watched him walk away and then sighed. She saw their server and flagged him over so she could put the order in. Ed had already been late and they only had the sitter until 9:30. If they were going to relax and talk a little she didn’t want them waiting too long before they were eating as well. Time wasn’t something they had a lot of these days…it was important to make use of almost every minute.

***

“Ed?”

“Yeah?” he looked up for a moment from his meal, which was delicious. He hadn’t eaten like he should have today, it had been a long one.

“Are we OK?”

“I'm OK.” He nodded.

“That’s not what I asked, I asked if we’re OK.”

“Are you…?”

“Don’t ask me if I'm OK, just please answer my question.”

“We've both been extremely busy. Hostage negotiation is more than a nine to five and I've been on call a lot. You worked the second shift all last week and we hardly got to see each other. Noah had that allergic reaction and he was down for a couple of days…life sometimes comes at you fast. We’re fine, Liv.”

“Are you sure?”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.” Ed said. 

He was a bit frustrated but kept that concealed. He hoped he was keeping it concealed because he didn’t know how to put out the inferno that might come with it. Liv’s incessant need lately to always see if they were alright was starting to drive him a little crazy. Ed wasn’t sure where it was coming from and he wanted to get to the source of the issue instead of sticking his finger in a leaking hole by just answering some interrogation questions.

“I don’t know either.” She shook her head.

“What's going on, Olivia?” He put his fork down. This location might not be the perfect place for the conversation but it was time to have anyway. They’d planned this date night for a week. They wanted to be together and just focus on them. Getting this out of the way was focusing on them. It couldn’t always be candlelight and sexy times.

“I just feel…I'm tired.” she sighed and shook her head a bit. 

There was a small, sad smile on her face when she looked at him. Liv needed to form words but couldn’t find them. She felt him slipping away from her but wasn’t sure how to express that or even if it was more than a figment of her imagination. Ed had already been there through some rough shit. He’d proven himself a formidable and caring partner. Wind, rain, and storms came through and he withstood them. But something had been eating at her lately and Liv didn’t know how to take a hold of it and really find out what it was. 

“Of me?” Ed asked.

“No. Of this. Please don’t ask me what this is because I'm not even sure I can explain it. I was feeling so good, I was moving forward and I feel like I've been pushed really hard, pushed back, and I don’t know how to get where I was.”

“Have you talked to Dr. Lindstrom about it?”

“I'm thinking about seeing a new doctor. It’s not that he isn't good, he's very good but…if you’ve seen one nervous breakdown you’ve seen them all. I don't know, I just feel like sometimes he's not hearing me. Sometimes I want to be combative with him because I feel like he's not hearing me.”

“It’s been a tough six months,” Ed reached for her hand across the table. “I think I've said that before. I thought things would calm down as well, especially after everything that happened with my cousin and almost costing us our jobs. But then Mike Dodds was killed and the world imploded again.”

“Does it ever stop?” she asked.

“I don’t know. But all of that, even if we’re going through it together, isn't us Liv. Us is Sunday afternoon brunch and _Monk_ reruns. Us is game nights with Noah and bath time with mommy and daddy. Us is bad bull riding trivia and cheesy Instagram selfies. It’s hard sometimes to weave all of that into the work, the pain, the sleep, the raising of a child, and the emotional ups and downs life hands you because dammit Thursday is going to suck. It’s there though, it’s always there. There are going to be times where life lives us and other times where we live life.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You just say the word and I’ll take you away from all of this. It’s OK to walk away sometimes.”

“Do I have a hero complex?” Liv asked.

“A fair share of cops do.” Ed replied. “Also, with what you do…a lot of people aren’t willing to go to bat for certain victims like you do. Part of you feels like if you're not doing that than who is. But not doing it for a few days or even a week is better than doing it so much that you have nothing left to give to your own preservation.”

She nodded but didn’t say anything. Ed slipped his hand out of hers and focused on his dinner again. He knew something was off but wasn’t sure how to talk about it. Sometimes it wasn’t easy to talk about. Sometimes you just let the work and the kids and the life take over and try to act like everything else was OK. 

That wasn’t healthy. But sometimes being too healthy, you spent more time talking about life than living it. Olivia Benson was a complicated woman. He wasn’t a simple man. But she was also fractured in some places. 

She spent a lot of time gluing and trying to keep it all together. Sometimes she succeeded and sometimes not. With the death of Mike Dodds, it was going to take time to get back on the road again. She needed repair. Ed understood that and supported it as well.

“Do you wanna walk home tonight? The rain has cut the humidity in half so we won't be drenched in our own sweat by the time we get there.”

“We do pretty good when drenched in our sweat, Captain.” She said.

“Yeah,” Ed smiled. “We do.”

“Walking sounds just perfect. I feel like it’s been a while since it was just the two of us.”

“Hey, did you hear when Noah said peanut butter this morning? Well, he almost said peanut butter but it was great.”

“I didn’t. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you could probably hear him shouting about lunch from the bedroom. I'm going to start recording him in the mornings.”

“Yes.” Liv smiled. “Yes, I want you to do that. I don’t want to miss anything.”

“And his vocabulary is growing. He's getting more comfortable expressing himself.”

“You had something to do with that.” she said.

“I'm not going to take all the credit. He’s in daycare, he's watching fascinating things on television…”

“He's having long conversations with daddy. You’ve done a lot, Ed.”

“I love him. I love his mama too.”

“I'm sorry I…I don't know, I'm not always easy to work with.”

“Hello,” he laughed some and pointed to himself. “Who are you talking to here?”

Liv laughed too but she knew that Ed wasn’t as bad as she was where this relationship was concerned. She thought she was past the doubts and the worries. They weren't perfect but they were good for each other and the love was there. Still, there were mornings she woke up, looked at him sleeping beside her, and worried it would all be over soon. Work, kids, stress, something was going to tear a hole into it that they couldn’t mend. 

She'd never been able to hold on, even when she wanted to more than anything. Sometimes she felt all of this just slipping through her fingers. Even if it eventually did, Liv wanted that feeling to go away. That feeling kept her from enjoying every magical moment, or even every boring one. It just took the joy out of all of it.

***

“I've been thinking about something.”

“What's that?” Ed asked. He put his arm around her shoulder as they walked down the rainy Manhattan street. There was a cool breeze in the air, which was shocking. The walk had been a good idea. And Liv was wearing more comfortable pumps than she worked in so he thought her feet would be alright for the walk home.

“I want to climb a mountain someday.”

“Everest?”

“Slow down, Tucker.”

“Mount McKinley. It’s the tallest in the United States.”

“There's nothing wrong with starting small. I know there’s gotta be some mountains around here somewhere.”

“I’ll look into it.”

“Really?” Liv looked at him.

“Sure. If you wanna climb a mountain, baby, we’ll climb a mountain. Unless you want to go it alone, then I’ll just get you the info and you can go and climb a mountain.”

“I'd like to do it together.” Liv took hold of his hand.

“It sounds adventurous.”

“I have a streak of adventure in me. I don’t want life to get too boring, you know.”

“I think boring is a relative term. There's adventure, good adventure, waiting around almost every corner. You could come fishing with us this weekend.”

“Get up at 4:30 on a Saturday morning…no, I'm good. You, Noah, and Jason are going to have a wonderful time. I’ll let you bond with your sons; do as men do.”

“It’s gonna be a lot of fun. I got Noah a toddler rod, I think he's going to love it. And this will actually only be Jason’s second fishing trip. I can't believe he actually said yes. But I will look into hiking and climbing for us at a later time. It’s always good to do things to keep your heart pumping and your body in good shape.”

“We do that often, Captain.”

“As rigorous as it can sometimes be,” Ed smirked. “Sex doesn’t burn very many calories. It’s a bit disappointing.”

“No, it’s not.” Olivia cuddled close as they stopped at a red light. “Not ever.”

Ed gave her a little squeeze as they crossed the street. The clouds were lifting from her. Liv had her peaks and valleys, and Ed always did his best to ride it out with her. Sometimes that wasn’t easy. But he really did love her so much and it was what he wanted. He wanted her, and Noah, and their happiness. It was worth climbing a few mountains to achieve.

***


End file.
